Not just politics, Trump now looks to conquer the world of sports!

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Not just politics, Trump now looks to conquer the world of sports!

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Ayesha d'Souza

11/09/2016

Trump is no stranger to sports and was a self-proclaimed “greatest baseball player in all of New York”. However, being Trump, he was so good that he says, “I was good in wrestling, I was very good at football. I was always the best at sports.”

Given his greatness in sports, it would be interesting how the entire world of sport could change now that he has been sworn in as the 45th President of the United States of America.

Pole vaulting

Trump's much-hyped wall might just end up working in favor of America's neighbors. The 'bad bad hombres' would find the prospect of jumping over the GREATEST WALL IN THE WORLD not that pleasurable. With time though, they will master the art of pole vaulting over imaginary walls, and the 2020 Olympics may well see Mexico get a pole vaulting medal, and they just might double that with one in high jump.

Basketball

In 2015, the NBA comprised of 74.4 % black players with the Caucasians amounting to only 23.3% and 1.8 percent Latino players (the wall should take care of the latter). Along with being one of the most physically demanding sports in the world, it is also one of the most physical ones.

Hence, as a sport makes black men more aggressive, the NBA will have to be banned with immediate effect in order to curtail violence by black men.

Tennis

Andy Roddick was a “loser” because he went and lost his matches to that Hispanic Rafael Nadal and that peace-loving hillbilly Roger Federer. But that might change soon. Trump seems to be a big fan of "strings", and he will soon ensure America is great again.

Badminton

Americans have never been great at Badminton in their history. But with Trump, it can only mean "good things" for the sport. Now that he is in the Oval office, he will surely turn Badminton into Goodminton and eventually the sport will have to be renamed as Greatminton.

Football

Former FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, had a solution all worked out for this problem. His long time dream of women playing in shorter shorts might come true pretty soon as both men seem to be cut out of the same cloth. The rules would be modified to allow the female players grab their opponents by a specific body part or two.

Poker

“He's a loose, aggressive wild man. He's hard to prepare for because he's a lunatic,” said ex-WSOP player of the year Daniel Negreanu. But, that damn Canadian may just have to stay put north of the border after he went and bet on pocket Queens against pocket 2s.

Trump would be so awesomely great at Poker that he could bluff himself, and whenever he lost, he would not accept it and say that his crooked opponent switched their cards. Poker though is a bit immune to Trump given they had their own Trump moment when a rank outsider named Chris Moneymaker upset the system in 2003.

Chess

Recently, Iran declared that women would have to wear a hijab if they want to compete in their country. To counter Islamic extremism, women will have to play in the Extreme Bikini format, which will allow backroom access to only the President of the United States. (cue : the Ms. USA contest conducted by Donald Trump saw allegations that he visited the backrooms and enacted some “locker talk” on even the teenage contestants)

Madison Square Garden

The Hindoos of that ancient land of India came out in full force for Trump, at least if you believe Trump and the 'Hindus for Trump' group. After today's "Abhi ki baar Trump sarkar", Trump will reward them by naming the home of the New York Knicks and the New York Rangers 'the Modi-son Square Garden' – he will do it after swallowing some pride though given our PM stole his thunder with 1/6th of humanity by his surgical strike on Black money the exact same day.

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