James Morgan makes hilarious predictions for 2017 saying all-rounder Ben Stokes will quit international cricket and join the army after getting used to being shouted at under Andy Flower. The writer also predicts that Alastair Cook will self-appoint himself as ECB's chairman in the near future.
"If there’s one thing England need to avoid, it’s Joe Root taking over as captain just before the Ashes begins. Consequently, the natural rhythm of English cricket will surely dictate that this disaster transpires. Here’s how I see things unravelling.. After England finish runners up in the Champions Trophy (more about this later), everyone’s forgotten about our winter failures; therefore the good ship Cook avoids an early decommissioning. However, this team hits another mine as soon as South Africa arrive."
"After finally losing patience with Jim, Gus and Mick, Andrew Strauss decides the selection panel needs to get younger and more with it. Consequently he loses no time in appointing Alastair Cook as the new chairman of selectors (England’s first ever selector / captain / player). The pride of Essex is joined on the panel by James Hildreth and Michael McIntyre. No conflict of interest there obviously. Things soon start to go awry when Cook appoints himself as captain until 2025. Then further eyebrows are then raised when Hildreth is named in the squad for the first test of the summer. When asked what he’s done to merit selection – other than scoring 1000 championship runs before the end of April – Hildreth admits that accepting a place on the selection panel was the only way he’d ever get a gig in international cricket."
"In a candid and exclusive interview with TFT, Ben Stokes announces a shocking career change. After being saluted by Marlon Samuels and Shaqib Al Hasan in recent series, England’s feisty all-rounder reveals that he “quite liked it”. So much so, in fact, that he’s chucked in cricket to pursue a career where he can be saluted every day by a whole host of real military types. Stokes also admits that he developed a penchant for discipline under Andy Flower’s regime. Apparently the Durham star’s respect for authority, and obsession with getting up early and being shouted at, makes him the perfect fit for a military life. What’s more, his background as a centrally contracted England cricketer – where he’s basically away from home for half the year anyway – means he’s already mentally attuned to long tours of duty in grim, distant and occasionally dangerous places."
Check the full list of predictions here.