Satire | Virat Kohli reveals RCB’s secrets and his special request to BCCI

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Satire | Virat Kohli reveals RCB’s secrets and his special request to BCCI

With the Royal Challengers Bangalore tottering near the bottom of the IPL table, captain Virat Kohli opened up in a closed door interview with our special reporter and vented out his frustrations. He also revealed his proposal to the BCCI to allow him and AB de Villiers to bowl 10 overs each.

“It is no secret that myself and ABD do most of the run-scoring for the team and although there have been a few other contributors to the run tally, the majority of the runs are thanks to my grit and AB de Villiers’ genius. We have scored 170+ in every match until the last one, the only team to do so, and YET, we have been scrapping near the bottom of the IPL table thanks to our ‘AMAZING’ bowling,” said the RCB captain.

He went on to reveal one of the biggest secrets of the RCB camp when he finally clarified why Travis Head was being picked over big-hitting West Indian ‘CHAMPION’ Chris Gayle.



“Social media has been going gaga over the fact that AB de Villiers and Travis Head are lookalikes. The truth is they are the same person. YES! AB DE VILLIERS AND TRAVIS HEAD ARE THE SAME PERSON. It is clear that with a middle-order consisting of Stuart Binny and a guy with the last name ‘Baby’ needs some additional stealth. So we send out AB de Villiers to bat again but this time as a left-hander. Nobody even doubts it that way. True story!” claimed Kohli as he gave our reporter his trademark wink.

He went on to point the other contributions of the two Indo-African duo stating, “You look closely and you find that me and ABD field in the most important positions. The ball goes to deep mid-off, I’m there, towards deep mid-on, AB is there. Be it covers or point, deep square-leg or deep point. We are everywhere. KABOOM!”

“When me and ABD are anyway doing over 50% of the work out there, might as well bowl and finish the job ourselves. I’ve requested the BCCI to allow me and ABD to bowl a quota of 10 overs each and sent them a list of my scores to go with it, just in case they have forgotten how important I am to the Indian team. I expect sanity to prevail and hope to receive a positive response soon.”

Usually, the BCCI would have brushed aside such an absurd request, but with Virat Kohli breaking all sorts of records in 2016, the BCCI understand that they cannot get in the bad books of the Indian Test captain and reports suggest that they might very well be on the verge of approving the ‘Special’ request by Kohli.

On being asked what was the root cause for such a drastic measure, Kohli agitatedly said, “The number of runs is not the only problem. I have been fined 12 lakh INR once and 24 lakh INR the second time for slow over-rate. I do not even bowl and I still get penalised. The bowlers get hit for long sixes, it takes 2 minutes just to find the ball and then they expect me to finish the overs in time.”

“We have even tried placing our reserve players in the stands so as to throw the ball back as soon as possible but our bowlers get hit in so many different areas of the ground that it becomes impossible to place them correctly.“

Finally Kohli also explained why a certain Sarfaraz Khan was not being included in the starting 11 even though the young sensation produced a masterclass early on in the season.

“We have a specific diet for every player. Fitness is something I really stress upon in my team and Sarfaraz Khan has time and again been spotted having Yuzvendra Chahal’s share of food after his own. Have you looked at Chahal? The result of such antics is clear when you look at Chahal and Gayle sitting together. That is totally unacceptable and hence the punishment,” Kohli concluded.

(Also read - Qualification scenarios of IPL 2016)

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