After watching the Premiere show of Salman Khan blockbuster ‘Sultan’, Olympic bound wrestlers Narsingh Yadav and Yogeshwar Dutt have decided to retire from the sport.
Speaking from Sonepat, Yogeshwar Dutt said,“We still have a month left for the Games to begin. Bhai has shown us in the film that he can start from scratch and completely learn a sport in 30 days. What he can achieve in this one month now is unimaginable. Let Bhai compete. I am retiring,” he said, clearly overwhelmed with emotion.
Narsingh Yadav was also among the scores of wrestlers around the world announcing retirement. He said he was giving his quota to Bhai, along with Yogeshwar Dutt. When questioned about how Bhai would compete in two different categories, he said that Sultan could do anything, if he could learn MMA in six weeks.
And it’s not just Indians. Sultan has left athletes around the world stunned. Expressing surprise at the 30-day regime that Bhai follows, Michael Phelps, who won 22 Olympic medals said, “Hats off to Bhai. I never thought success could be achieved so quickly. It is clear that Nole(Djokovic), Cristiano(Ronaldo) and I have small mentality. We took so long to succeed. In fact, they haven’t even won a gold medal so far.”
Also inspired by the movie is ‘almost Booker’ prize-winning author Chetan Bhagat. The famed writer said he will finish writing his book ‘Half-Wrestler’ in 30 days. Excerpts from his book have been leaked already. The opening lines apparently read, “I saw her at my local akhaada. Lean and lithe. Not like a model, but like a pro wrestler, dreaming of winning gold at the Olympics. I knew nothing about the sport. But that moment I knew. I had to try this sport and I would win the Olympic gold.”
One of the most touching, feministic and progressive parts in the book, according to our sources talks about how the female lead gives up on her Olympic dream because she wanted to save money on contraceptives. “She had been dreaming about going to Rio and winning the Olympics since she was five. But that night, all those dreams went out of the hotel window..
“She became pregnant and decided against coming to Brazil as a result (No, not because of Zika). ‘You are my gold medal’ she said, twirling my handlebar moustache.”
Rumours have also come in from Kingston, Jamaica saying Usain Bolt might pull out of the Olympics. Sources close to ‘Lightning’ Bolt have said that the sprinter is scared of losing face at Rio, after he realized he had never out-run a diesel locomotive in his life, let alone manage it in 30 days. Bolt himself was unavailable for comment.
Also, MMA pro fighter Ronda Rousey has called it quits. In a hurriedly arranged press conference, she said “All my life has been a waste. I trained from 2002, only to be beaten in two rounds by Holly Holm. Bhai could attain greater heights in six weeks. I can’t believe it. I can’t look myself in the mirror,” holding back tears.
Along with Narsingh and Yogeshwar, Salman Khan’s co-Ambassador for IOA, Abhinav Bindra has decided to give his quota to the ‘Jai Ho’ superstar. The 2008 Beijing gold medalist said he had taken the decision after watching videos of Bhai’s ability to shoot at moving objects (read black buck) with alarming accuracy. Sachin Tendulkar welcomed the move, saying, “Abhinav and I have played only one sport each. But Bhai is an expert in wrestling, MMA, steeplechase and also Parkour. He is a true Goodwill Olympic Ambassador. By winning medals in wrestling, steeplechase, and now in shooting, he will only underline his status as India’s greatest star.”
Salman Khan tweeted about the reactions in the sporting world, saying “Hehe.Thenks everyone.Sory Dutt, Yogi. Small request. Can IOA name me Olympic BMW instead of Olympics Ambassador? BMW easy as peasy to drive on platforms.”
PS - This is a satire and is meant to be taken with a pinch of 'mitti'.
The tweets used are not original.