Which is?  Yeah, you guessed it right. Of course, they created WHATSAPP GROUPS to stop the spread of rumours. I mean, seriously, can nobody else see the irony here? Creating Whatsapp groups to quash rumours is like chugging a bottle of vodka as soon as you wake up in the morning to prevent the hangover. It works, but at what cost? Either way, the official announcement of franchises creating Whatsapp groups to address player queries came last week, but well before that, thanks to my ahem *sources* across the country, I got to know what was brewing. The decision came after multiple players - who graduated from the Whatsapp university - confronted their franchise owners with a barrage of dull-witted questions based on reports they’d read online.

Coming back to the crux of the matter, though, all eight franchises made it clear to the players that they had the freedom to shoot any and every question they had in their mind and assured them that everything would stay confidential. Clearly, that didn’t work out very well. Mind you, a lot of NSW stuff was said on the groups which, for obvious reasons, I won’t be disclosing. I, however, can help you get a gist of what went on. To help you keep track, I will be traversing franchise-by-franchise (or you can call it group-by-group). 

He took an angry jibe at the player, saying, “We were going to bench you anyway.” And as soon as the others realized the seriousness of the situation, the group instantly turned as silent as the Wankhede during the first ODI against Australia - until Krunal Pandya’s uncalled-for intervention. When Krunal asked, “Does this mean my WT20 hopes are over?”, an agitated Ambani responded with, “I asked you to pour out your questions, not your feelings,” and stormed out of the group. “All you had to do was keep your goddamn mouth shut, Krunal,” echoed the voices of every other player in the group, whose lives flashed before their eyes thinking of the luxuries they could potentially miss out on due to one stupid comment. Oh well, no one knows it better than Hardik, I suppose. 

In the midst of all this ruckus, there were also tonnes of messages in the CSK group that I’d missed out on. Looking at the message count - which was 138, to be precise - I was licking my lips in the hope of witnessing some more drama, but to my disappointment and shock, hundred of those messages were nothing but ‘Good morning’ messages. Not gonna lie, for a moment, I had trouble distinguishing it from my family group. Like I knew CSK were an old team with no charisma, but hey, I still wasn’t expecting this. Only then did it strike me why the MI players were referring to the CSK team as ‘Boomers’. Either way, a few more cringy #whistlepodu messages meant that I exited the group way earlier than I estimated. 

Next up, Rajasthan Royals. Now my expectations were rock bottom heading into this, after what CSK and RCB had done, but boy I was proven wrong and how. Before the owners could have a say, Riyan Parag, who was in the midst of his 12th board exams, butt in with an innocent question, “Could you please tell me if the IPL will happen. I have to choose between studying and practising.”  Perhaps things would have settled down had he stopped here, but he had to add, “Also, I want to practice with Stevie Sir.”  “Stevie what? Lmaoo,” said Archer, after which hell broke loose. A battle grander and more glorious than their Lord’s encounter broke out between Smith and Archer, and both men traded verbal blows.

It went on for a good thirty minutes and I won’t be getting into the details, but it did involve topics such as Smith’s failed leg-spin career, Archer’s suspicious fast-tracking to the national team and, interestingly, Matthew Wade. The rest of the players, bizarrely enough, were enjoying the face-off, with none of Stokes, Buttler and Curran coming to their teammates’ defence. It wasn’t until a flat joke from David Miller - which eventually backfired - that things settled down. “Lads, I’m choking on my coffee here. Keep it going,” said Miller, to which Andrew Tye responded, “Not the first time you’re choking, Davy boy.” Yep, the attention of everyone, including Smith and Archer, turned towards Miller and the poor lad was humiliated for the rest of the day. The episode ended with Ish Sodhi sarcastically threatening to reveal every detail on his podcast. Well, joke’s on him, as now everything’s out already. 

Either way, that episode is done and dusted with, and now 10 days later, here we are - Will the IPL be cancelled? Will it miraculously start on April 15? Will it be rescheduled to September? Will it replace the World T20? Well, no one quite knows yet. Guess all we can do is hang in there and, erm….. continue speculating.