Satire Saturday | Vision is to convert BBL into a reality show, confirms Alistair Dobson

Satire Saturday | Vision is to convert BBL into a reality show, confirms Alistair Dobson

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BBL all set to become a reality show

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SportsCafe

Alistair Dobson, the head of the Big Bash League, in the wake of the new proposed changes to the tournament, has confirmed that the ultimate goal of the organizers is to convert the Big Bash League into a reality show. Dobson has also confirmed the implementation of a plethora of other new rules.

Having (un)successfully competed with the likes of the Indian Premier League (IPL) and Caribbean Premier League (CPL) for 10 years as a T20 competition, the Big Bash League (BBL) has now set its sights on becoming a reality television show. 

Earlier this month, organizers of the Big Bash League (BBL) left the cricketers, fans and experts bewildered by proposing a host of new, radical changes to the tournament but on Thursday, Alistair Dobson, the head of the BBL, confirmed, in a statement, that the proposed changes were the first step towards realizing the organizers and Cricket Australia’s ultimate vision - to convert BBL into the best reality show in the world. 

“While the ongoing global pandemic has given a lot of distress to people around the world, it also gave us plenty of time to rethink our strategy with respect to the Big Bash League (BBL). And thus, after multiple meetings, we have come to the conclusion that it would make all the sense in the world to disassociate BBL from the sport of cricket and, instead, move towards the path of reality television,” Alistair Dobson, the head of the BBL, said in a statement on Thursday. 

Dobson, who has served as the head of the BBL for under a year, revealed that he had the vision in mind ever since he took over the role in 2019, but admitted that the pandemic fast-forwarded the process. Dobson revealed that the ‘disgustingly boring’ 2019/20 season, which featured a total of 61 matches and ended up being a television disaster in terms of viewership, also played a crucial part in the organizers doing away with BBL being a mere T20 competition. 

"Look, this (transforming BBL into a reality show) has been my goal ever since day one but the pandemic has turned out to be a blessing in disguise as now we are looking to speed up the process and complete the transformation within the next three months.

“Of course, I would be lying if I said that the disgustingly boring 2019/20 season did not play a hand in this decision. I mean, yes, we took a risk by expanding the tournament to 61 games, but never did we think of a scenario where the tournament would end up doing numbers less than ‘The Single Wives’. I think the drop in viewership collectively shook us,” said Dobson.

However, despite the setback in 2019, the BBL head is not just confident of bouncing back but is convinced that this new reality-television route of the BBL will be groundbreaking. Dobson believes that the BBL, in its brand new avatar, might end up creating a storm like the IPL did 12 years ago and feels that the tournament might even force some of its competitors to go along the same path. 

“Should things go ahead as planned, the first episode of the BBL will be aired on December 26, 2020, Boxing Day. Indeed we were dealt a blow last year thanks to the tournament being a calamity, but there is no question that the first season of the BBL (reality show), that will be streamed on Amazon Prime, will be an enormous hit. 

“12 years ago, nobody in the world could have imagined that the IPL would go on to become bigger than the sport itself, but look where the tournament is today. Similarly, myself and other members associated with the BBL are confident that our brainchild will take the world by storm and, who knows, maybe even force our competitors to ditch the concept of ‘sport’.“

So what do the organizers really mean when they say that the BBL is going to be turned into a reality show? Well, according to Dobson, there are going to be a host of changes implemented which will help the ‘competition’ decouple itself from the sport of cricket. The three major changes, according to the head of the BBL, are pre-taping of matches, the introduction of judges and the renaming of the competition to ‘Big Brother League’. 

“When we say that we are going to transform the BBL into a reality television show, we mean it. First things first, the tournament will no longer be known as the Big Bash League; we are, with immediate effect, renaming it to the ‘Big Brother League’.  Then, we are planning to introduce the concept of pre-taped matches, all of whose results will be decided in advance. 

“There are a lot of advantages to this: we can play out the matches exactly the way we want it to, pick and choose the ‘cricketers’ who we would like to see the shine on a particular day and also, on top of that, add a cinematic touch to the contest. For instance, we could bring to life a scenario where a bowler, after bowling a ball, runs all the way to deep fine-leg to catch a ball which was set to fall in no man’s land; this can be implemented if we pre-tape matches.

“Also, most importantly, we are doing away the whole concept of winning and losing matches on the basis of runs scored / wickets lost. Instead, we will be appointing a panel of judges, who would rate the teams based on a lot of parameters - including looks, charisma and stage presence - and the team with the most points would be crowned as the victors. We have already spoken to Simon Cowell and Katy Perry with regards to them being a part of the jury and now, to give an Indian touch to things, we are planning to get in touch with Navjot Singh Sidhu. If we are lucky, we might also rope in both Kapil Sharma and Russell Peters as the anchors of the show.”

But that is not all. Dobson has also promised that the viewers will be exposed to a lot of in-game fights which, he believes, might potentially eclipse the popularity of every other sporting competition in the world. Dobson, further, also gave an interesting insight on the kind of commentary that will be on display in the tournament. 

“Yes, I would urge the audience to keep a close eye on the activities of the players on the field. We see people talk about the Zidane headbutt and the Warne-Samuels fight till date, but if what we have in our heads comes to fruition then trust me, the clashes you will see in the inaugural season of the Big Brother League - due to the sheer drama - will make the headlines of all newspapers and will take social media by storm.

“To make things funny and spicier, we have also roped in ‘Ozzy Man Reviews’ as the competition’s commentator, so expect a lot of NSFW stuff coming your way. However, we have a separate feed for kids which will feature the commentary of Danny Morrison and Brad Hogg, so in case you are a parent, please ensure that you are responsible when it comes to the kind of stuff you expose your children to.”

Dobson confirmed that the shooting for the first season of the Big Brother League will commence on July 1 and stated that the season will comprise 15 episodes. The BBL head hopes for the tournament to smash Aussie viewership records on Amazon Prime. 

“We have sent out a memo to all the players involved. They will be arriving here on June 28th and so after giving them a couple of days to read the script, we will begin shooting on July 1. The first season, which will air on December 26, 2020, will have 15 episodes and we’re looking to incorporate a cliff-hanger at the end to keep fans on their toes, so that they’ll be restless for the premiere of season 2.

“As of now, we have not yet held any talks to renew Big Brother League for a second season, but we are hopeful of doing so. We’re also confident that the first season will shatter Australian viewership records on Amazon Prime when it airs later this year,” Dobson concluded.  

Disclaimer: Please note that everything mentioned in this article is fictionalized, nothing more than a satire, and in no way should it be interpreted as an actual record of events. 

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