Satire Saturday | Indian team management’s superstition leads to Jetlagged Ishant’s sudden appearance

Satire Saturday | Indian team management’s superstition leads to Jetlagged Ishant’s sudden appearance

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It was a day-off for me and I was chilling with a beer when my phone buzzed. My source from the BCCI Churchgate office found the goodwill to return the call after 33 attempts from my side. Well, the agony had suddenly gone down and joy arrived. Such is the power of the BCCI, you see.

The very fact that a good friend of mine from the Indian dressing room had called to inform me about the sudden inclusion of Ishant Sharma had got me interested. I had called Mr X to confirm the news, but much to my dismay, he kept on delaying it. By then, Ishant had already been on the flight to Wellington to join the Indian team, only to be playing a Test within 48 hours of landing in New Zealand. 

It took me a while to make sense of the events how the six-week duration that was given for Ishant’s recovery was reduced to five. But I was all but sure that Umesh Yadav would start in Wellington considering the impact of crossing two hemispheres, jetlag and all. But a couple of days later, when the Test got underway, I ended up like a boy running a fool’s errand and having no clue of what is happening in the world - Ishant started in Wellington as India’s one of the premier pacers. 

“How is this possible, X? Picking Ishant is fine but how come is he playing the first Test? Has Virat and Ravi lost their mind,” I asked in a curious tone to the official who is known for his secret boardroom leaks. “That’s a strategic masterstroke, Bastab. Virat has definitely up his sleeve that you will get to know soon. I can’t reveal that now,” X replied, leaving me more perplexed than ever before. I had no other option than waiting. 

Two days later, as Ishant ran through the Kiwi line-up to pick a five-wicket haul, I was stunned - not because of the audacity that the pacer showed on his return but what exactly was that plan Mr X was talking about. In no time, I called him up again and he asked me to give him a call at around 6 PM because BCCI President Sourav Ganguly, a man who believes in making his own luck, was around. I was irritated by then but the wait was worth it to know one of Indian cricket’s biggest secrets. 

**Three Hours Later**

Mr X: Hey Bastab. I was in a meeting with a few MCA members at CCI. But I had to reveal this to you for the amount of time I made you wait. It is simple. It was Anushka's dream a week ago that forced Virat to commit to this. Virat is religious, you see, but he doesn’t believe in superstitions. But in that one moment, he had to.”

I was in complete shock listening to everything that Mr X was peddling to me. I just couldn’t believe that the team Indian team - the best all-format team in the world - was running by the co-incidences of the past and a dream that the first lady of the team had a night ago. But I was ready to dig deep and had my recorder on for the man to speak about everything that happened. 

He went further. “Anushka asked Virat if India can get a jetlagged guy for the match, they have a good chance of doing well. But Virat in no way could do that because all of their guys had already set the stall in Hamilton first and then near a plush hotel in Wellington for the series. Fresh and alert. Even the A team was here. So the chance of getting a jetlagged guy was next to impossible.”

“But before the skip could finish the sentence, Ravi, who was listening to the entire conversation, put down his whiskey and pitched in his suggestion. He had Hardik Pandya’s name but the fact that the BCCI already messed up the all-rounder’s return once, Virat was not up for it. After further deliberations, they rang up Rahul Dravid to take stock of Ishant Sharma’s recovery.”

It seemed like a script out of Abhishek Sharma’s “The Zoya Factor” movie, and I, in no way, was falling for it. “But Virat doesn’t buy that b****hit. Does he?,” I asked. “He has to, man,” came the reply from the BCCI official. Giving me a sneak-peak of it, the official started, “You remember the ODI in Sydney some four years ago. Jasprit Bumrah, jetlagged, played the game out of nowhere to dismiss Steve Smith out and India finally could win a game that series. You saw what a jetlagged Indian team did to New Zealand in the T20Is. It always works. At least, you believe me now after seeing Ishant Sharma’s performance.”

It started making sense to me - not the events but why would Kohli have been taken the risk of getting someone like Ishant, whose injury history has been well documented by Karan Johar for his upcoming blockbuster, to the side in a hurry. The official further went on to reveal that Jay Shah, the BCCI secretary and son of India’s home minister Amit Shah, called his mate Mukesh Ambani to send a private jet for Ishant for the long trip Down Under. There went the instruction, to delay the flight enough, so as to give Ishant a strong sense of jetlag. 

Our conversation went for a good hour or so where I also got to know that Ishant was irritated for being put under the firing line. Sleep-deprived, he put all his energy to finish off New Zealand innings asap and going back to the hotel to have some good hours of sleep. Seeing that worked and Ishant taking a five-wicket haul, Virat was ecstatic in joy and decided to bring in Pandya for the second Test. 

“You can right now understand why Ishant is out of the team for the second Test. India was really cruel to him and his injury. And just when he seems to have returned to his groove despite not healing from his injury, Kohli is bringing in Pandya,” the official stated.

Not paying heed to Ishant’s state of mind, I replied, “But it is Umesh who is playing no. Where is Hardik?” 

“Don’t you know the power of Ambani? Do you seriously think he would let Pandya play for India when there is an important DY Patil Tournament going on? Reliance 1 needs to win the tournament and Pandya is a vital cog in the wheel. He was forced to play Umesh, he didn’t want to,” Mr X said.

It was a very gruelling conversation, one that has sapped me of all my energy. After hanging the phone call, I instantly reached out to my favourite food stall to have a Chicken roll, only to hear this line, “Bhai, Aaj Pandya hota to kitna acha hota!”

“Indeed” was my short reply before I could write this down for you. Indian cricket has become a tragicomedy for me and I doubt if I can ever trust Kohli’s corporate platitude after a series loss. Your guess is as good as mine.

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