Satire Saturday | Indian team management’s superstition leads to Jetlagged Ishant’s sudden appearance

The very fact that a good friend of mine from the Indian dressing room had called to inform me about the sudden inclusion of Ishant Sharma had got me interested. I had called Mr X to confirm the news, but much to my dismay, he kept on delaying it. By then, Ishant had already been on the flight to Wellington to join the Indian team, only to be playing a Test within 48 hours of landing in New Zealand. 

Two days later, as Ishant ran through the Kiwi line-up to pick a five-wicket haul, I was stunned - not because of the audacity that the pacer showed on his return but what exactly was that plan Mr X was talking about. In no time, I called him up again and he asked me to give him a call at around 6 PM because BCCI President Sourav Ganguly, a man who believes in making his own luck, was around. I was irritated by then but the wait was worth it to know one of Indian cricket’s biggest secrets. 

Mr X: Hey Bastab. I was in a meeting with a few MCA members at CCI. But I had to reveal this to you for the amount of time I made you wait. It is simple. It was Anushka's dream a week ago that forced Virat to commit to this. Virat is religious, you see, but he doesn’t believe in superstitions. But in that one moment, he had to.”

I was in complete shock listening to everything that Mr X was peddling to me. I just couldn’t believe that the team Indian team - the best all-format team in the world - was running by the co-incidences of the past and a dream that the first lady of the team had a night ago. But I was ready to dig deep and had my recorder on for the man to speak about everything that happened. 

“But before the skip could finish the sentence, Ravi, who was listening to the entire conversation, put down his whiskey and pitched in his suggestion. He had Hardik Pandya’s name but the fact that the BCCI already messed up the all-rounder’s return once, Virat was not up for it. After further deliberations, they rang up Rahul Dravid to take stock of Ishant Sharma’s recovery.”

It seemed like a script out of Abhishek Sharma’s “The Zoya Factor” movie, and I, in no way, was falling for it. “But Virat doesn’t buy that b****hit. Does he?,” I asked. “He has to, man,” came the reply from the BCCI official. Giving me a sneak-peak of it, the official started, “You remember the ODI in Sydney some four years ago. Jasprit Bumrah, jetlagged, played the game out of nowhere to dismiss Steve Smith out and India finally could win a game that series. You saw what a jetlagged Indian team did to New Zealand in the T20Is. It always works. At least, you believe me now after seeing Ishant Sharma’s performance.”

Our conversation went for a good hour or so where I also got to know that Ishant was irritated for being put under the firing line. Sleep-deprived, he put all his energy to finish off New Zealand innings asap and going back to the hotel to have some good hours of sleep. Seeing that worked and Ishant taking a five-wicket haul, Virat was ecstatic in joy and decided to bring in Pandya for the second Test. 

“You can right now understand why Ishant is out of the team for the second Test. India was really cruel to him and his injury. And just when he seems to have returned to his groove despite not healing from his injury, Kohli is bringing in Pandya,” the official stated.

“Don’t you know the power of Ambani? Do you seriously think he would let Pandya play for India when there is an important DY Patil Tournament going on? Reliance 1 needs to win the tournament and Pandya is a vital cog in the wheel. He was forced to play Umesh, he didn’t want to,” Mr X said.

It was a very gruelling conversation, one that has sapped me of all my energy. After hanging the phone call, I instantly reached out to my favourite food stall to have a Chicken roll, only to hear this line, “Bhai, Aaj Pandya hota to kitna acha hota!”