Why Your Team Sucks: Afghanistan at the 2023 ICC World Cup
To make it to an elite tournament such as this with just 10 nations participating must mean your team is quite special, right? Newsflash: the ‘World’ Cup is a misnomer, ICC is cricket’s ruling body just for name’s sake, ODI cricket is on its deathbed, and your team Afghanistan sucks.
Welcome to the five people who are interested in reading about Afghanistan cricket. There are only two possible reasons why you’re here – either you’re the typical nerd who can’t help but scour everything there is about the World Cup while biting your nails in anxious anticipation of the tournament, or you proudly proclaim yourself a cricket fan and are embarrassed to have no clue about how one of the teams stacks up. Hey, the Afghanistan Cricket Board has little idea too, if that is any help.
Afghanistan are the new Bangladesh of world cricket – the perpetual underdogs who promise to have levelled up by the time each major tournament rolls around but end up being all bark and no bite. The only problem is, Bangladesh have failed to become a Sri Lanka, seeing which the Lions have themselves relented to stoop down to the level of their Asian counterparts and that has made things quite awkward in the cricketing world, hierarchy-wise.
Nevertheless, there’s undeniable potential in the team and they have been making some strides in the T20 game. Here’s hoping they come good in ODIs by the time the 15th edition of the World Cup rolls around in 2031. With 25-year-old Rashid Khan in his prime and Mohammed Nabi carrying the experience of 400 ODIs at the ripe age of 46, boy can Afghanistan be a menacing unit. Well, that is if the marquee event is not cancelled at the last minute to make way for the brand-new T10 World Cup.
The more I read and write about Afghanistan, the less I understand about them. The best I can describe them is that they are the DCEU in the era of Marvel – boasting a decent star-cast with some power-packed mystery elements in the plot but just lack the blockbuster elements to be global hits, there is too much upheaval up top, and the lack of continuity is simply too annoying.
The shining light in all the doom for Afghanistan though is their ability to keep producing young emerging stars, despite the lack of infrastructure. Be it Rahmanullah Gurbaz, Fazalhaq Farooqi or Naveen ul Haq, these T20 globetrotters have ensured Afghanistan don’t sink back into the shadows once their golden generation wears out. But therein also lies their demise – all too often the country places too much pressure on the young shoulders that are bound to buckle on the big stage. The obsession with youth exists to such an extent that even their head coach Jonathan Trott is just 42 years old – with no previous experience in the role, one might add. No wonder he had no clue about the numbers at play during the heat of the moment in Afghanistan's recent Asia Cup eliminator.
Speaking of which, even when Afghanistan manage to pull together a good performance, rarely are they able to go the final few yards and clinch victory. It happened twice against Pakistan when they played a series in August, and then against Sri Lanka in the Asia Cup. In fact, rumours are afloat that Afghanistan could rope in Axar Patel in their support staff given he is bound to have a better hold on the numbers on account of hailing from Gujarat than the team’s current analyst. Afghanistan are bizarrely akin to a Norm McDonald joke – an elaborate setup to have you surprisingly invested followed by a disastrous punchline that will have you questioning whether your tears are borne of laughter or grief.
One thing that does work in Afghanistan’s favour, ironically, is that no one could possibly have a better motivation than their cricketers – remember the Taliban, guys? The takeover of the extremists has also impacted the team’s cricketing fortunes directly. Apparently, they have declared batting as haram in Afghanistan because that can be the only possible explanation behind the stark disparity in quality between the wood-wielders and leather-slingers.
Jokes aside, cricket is a true escape for these guys, possibly the only one quite literally, so props to them for continuing to battle through the tragedy. The existence of such bizarre circumstances in their homeland has also meant that the players are more inclined to secure a future for themselves, even at the cost of representing their country.
Consequently, Naveen-ul-Haq has already announced his ODI retirement post the World Cup to make himself available for more T20 gigs. That would mean he will have played no more than 16 ODIs by the end of his career, one less than the number of franchises he has already represented – he is just 24 years old. Even so, if by some miracle Afghanistan do end up exceeding expectations in the tournament, don’t be surprised if Naveen takes all the credit for their success – he is a Gautam Gambhir protege after all.