Same old, same old New Zealand
As much as the events that unfolded on the morning of Day 3 were shocking and disappointing, they were equally awful and appalling. It was the day when New Zealand proved their doubters right and all but confirmed that the “World No. 2” tag that rests next to their name is nothing but a hoax.
1987 was the last time that New Zealand had played a Boxing Day Test in Australia. On Day 1, the encounter attracted a crowd of 80,473, the second-highest crowd turnout in non-Ashes Boxing Day Test in history. So, it was only natural that Cricket Australia expressed their willingness to invite the Kiwis over more often for the biggest sporting day of the Aussie sporting summer.
"We are already having some high-level discussions around the cricket calendar from 2023 to 2031 and we absolutely hope and look forward to hosting New Zealand at a Boxing Day Test well before another 32 years pass,” said Cricket Australia Chief Executive Kevin Roberts post the close of the first day’s play.
Well, if their neighbours are going to attract an 80,000+ crowd and roll over at will as they did on the morning of Day 3, then there’s every reason for Australia to play the Kiwis on Boxing Day every single year. Perhaps we should be grateful to Kane Williamson for winning the toss and opting to bowl first on Day 1, for had the visitors batted first, not only would the packed MCG crowd have left the stadium disappointed but the match would subsequently have been killed on the very first day.
And at times, watching New Zealand play makes you wonder if they are actually there to compete, or just there to enhance their 'nice guys' reputation. Day 3 was the epitome of everything wrong about New Zealand cricket: they don't really care about winning or competing, they are just okay with 'being there'. You know, just like that lucky local kid who gets a Wild Card and finds himself drawn against Roger Federer in the first round of the US Open; The only difference though is that New Zealand are not kids and are the ‘second-best’ side in Test cricket.
Their efforts with the ball, especially by their pacers, have been commendable; Tim Southee, Colin de Grandhomme and Trent Boult have more often than not been on the money and Neil Wagner has arguably been the best bowler across two sides in the entirety of the series. But it is to be noted that despite the valiant efforts with the ball, they have conceded north of 400 twice in the first innings - once after ironically opting to bowl first - on wickets that had plenty of help for bowlers. But despite the numbers being pretty meh, for the sheer effort that they put in after the ordeal they were put through due to some inept batting, I guess the bowling deserves a pass.
The batting and the attitude, however, deserves to be scrutinized, slated and condemned, for it made a mockery out of the hundreds of thousands who made their way to the stadiums, and the millions of others who tuned in to the television to get a glimpse of some high-octane cricket between two ‘top-quality’ sides. But what’s miserable about this whole debacle is the fact that they knew, well ahead of the series, that trouble could and would be on the horizon, yet did nothing to tackle it as they were completely okay with it.
For starters, they knew that blindly banking on Jeet Raval - who had been in atrocious form throughout the entirety of the year - to come good against a fiery Starc and Cummins on bouncy Australian wickets was always going to be a massive gamble, yet they had the audacity to take no back-up opener in the squad. Of course, inevitably, Raval failed and eventually, they were press-ganged into drafting Tom Blundell - a wicket-keeper with no prior experience opening the batting - into the team; another move that had a foregone conclusion.
Then comes their whole delusion about Mitchell Santner - a bowler with the kind of record that an ODI batsman should be sporting - being a quality Test spinner; the less spoken about his performance in this series the better, for a 50-year-old Shane Warne with his blazers and sunglasses on, munching on a few bagels, would have done a better job than him.
But what’s more astounding is the fact that the only back-up in the squad they have is Todd Astle - another spinner who has a 50+ average and a 100+ strike rate - and not William Somerville, who knows the ins and outs of Australian conditions having represented New South Wales in the past. At no point was there discussion about fielding an all-pace attack or removing Santner because hey, after all, he smacked a century against a hopeless English side on the flattest deck we’ve seen in 2019; surely that merits a place in the side - irrespective of what unfolded in the first Test and what he has done as a specialist bowler - doesn’t it?
All the hype surrounding the trio of Kane Williamson, Ross Taylor and BJ Watling - who’d played a combined total of 15 Tests between them in Australian conditions prior to the series - yet at no point were they willing to grit it out and fight, almost setting a distasteful example for the youngsters around them; Williamson’s ugly, impatient hoick off Pattinson late on Day 2 serves as a testament to the statement. 166, 171 and 148 is all their batsmen have managed in three innings in this series, with their showing in the first innings here at the MCG being the lowest first-innings score by a visiting team at the stadium since 1990.
This should ideally serve as a major reality check for New Zealand, who are no better than what they were in 2015. This showing rings a bell for even the fans, but from the outset, it looks like the players themselves are least bothered by it, and it’s concerning. But we know for a fact that a moment of good sportsmanship here and a lion-hearted spell from Wagner there will erase these memories and mask their shortcomings. With this attitude of theirs, they are bound to go back to the ‘bully teams at home, play the underdog card, get whacked by the big teams away from home, rinse, repeat’ routine once again.
If New Zealand are to move to the next level, if they are to be considered elite, they’d need to stop playing the victim card at every second opportunity and let go of their beloved ‘underdog’ tag, for they are no more just a cruiserweight. But with the cruiserweight tag comes the luxury of the win-win situation - that of being put on a pedestal if you punch above your weight and being sympathized with if you lose - and they, at this point in time, seem to enjoy it. Same old, same old New Zealand.
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