Before we get into the spicy, never-seen-before gameplan(s), a bit of general information. 

What’s Australia’s record at the Gabba?

Since January 1, 2000: P20 W16 D4 L0

The Aussies have not lost at the Gabba since 1988, which is why it is called their Fortress. 

Australia lead 5-0 in 6 H2H matches (1 draw)

The last meeting between these two sides at the venue was in 2014, which Australia won by 4 wickets. Notably, it marked the debut of Josh Hazlewood. 

Good. We’ve finally arrived at the interesting part. Before we fully get to the gameplan though, here are a list of players I̶n̶d̶i̶a̶  India ‘A’ will be without, for the final Test starting Thursday

Virat Kohli, Mohammed Shami, Ishant Sharma, Ravindra Jadeja, Hanuma Vihari, and potentially Mayank Agarwal, Ravichandran Ashwin and Jasprit Bumrah. Yes, 8 players who were part of the starting XI which lifted the Border-Gavaskar Trophy two years ago. So, is it really realistic for such a weakened Indian side to breach a fortress like the Gabba? We think so, and here are a few ways through which they can do the same. 

We already know the unacceptable treatment that’s currently been dished out to the Indian side in their hotel in Brisbane, so there is every reason for them to be agitated and refuse to play the final Test. Yet such a drastic measure will only lead to more Aussies claiming that they chickened out. Instead, the BCCI can lend a fair proposal to Cricket Australia - that of deciding the series through a set of FIFA games. This will take injuries out of the equation, level the playing field and bring parity,  thereby making India favourites to beat the Aussies, half of whom still think that ‘Football’ refers to whatever rubbish that goes on in the AFL. We also have seen Rohit’s FIFA skills in the “Mutual Funds sahi hai” ad, so it will present Hitman with a golden opportunity for once to be of some use to the team away from home.

Demand the series be settled via a Super Over

Request Australia to field an equally weak XI; threaten to pull out otherwise

Australia have raved about their improved ethics, morals and principles for close to two years now, but surely all of that is an eye-wash if they refuse to field a weakened XI come the fourth Test? Last I checked, ‘unintentionally’ injuring your opponents and taking them out of the contest does not equate to ‘playing it hard and fair’.  Let Australia drop Smith, Hazlewood, Cummins, Starc, Wade and Lyon - we’ll then see how much of a fortress Gabba is. 

“Oh, sorry. Don’t mind. We were just visualizing. Anyone who has seen us play knows that we are weird creatures who are obsessed with batting.”

Pour oil in the Australian dressing room before lunch

Resort to legally dangerous tactics

We know Saini can do this and Shardul Thakur can do this, so how about having them do it in tandem until they are taken off the attack/field? Every Australian player escaping unscathed is the worst case scenario, but you know what they say - you miss every shot you don’t take. They can always get Ashwin and Sundar to, you know, bowl a lion’s share of the overs should things go haphazard. Just stack the team up with batsmen in this case, though. 

There is also one final option, although it would mean them conceding the Border-Gavaskar Trophy, and not breaching the Gabba fortress - just forfeit the damn game and go home. Seriously, India, it’s not worth it. Do it. You’ve shown enough fight and we’re all proud of you. Now go home before it comes to the point where you’ll have to field Sreesanth for the England Tests.