Mental health issues wore me down and I forgot who I was as a person, reveals Glenn Maxwell

When Glenn Maxwell came out to speak on his struggles with mental health, Cricket Australia gave him all the support they could as they gave him a momentary break from the sport. It was a period of great disturbance for The Big Show, who had always portrayed himself as a fun-loving and quirky character among the cricket-mad public. However, Maxwell revealed that he always put on a mask of being jovial and energetic on the cricket field despite dealing with internal demons that were hard to conquer and overcome.

"I probably noticed it around September last year. When I finally came out in November so I probably held on to it for too long with that following me around. It wore me down and I forgot who I was as a person. I felt like a cardboard cut out of a cricketer who got put on a plane, on a bus, at a cricket ground and I just had to put on a smile and pretend everything was okay," Maxwell told Harsha Bhogle on Cricbuzz.

"As a cricketer, I've always put on a mask. I am going to put on a smile and I am going to be energetic. I am not that kind of person. I am very laid back and relaxed. I like to be quiet and alone in my spare time. Putting a mask on can weigh you down. It was hard. There was one period when I let myself go a little bit. I saw my mother cry when we lost the World Cup semifinal and when I saw that, I lost it. That was one time when I let myself go a bit but there was a long time when I was very emotionless. It's just a strange place to be in. Nothing really makes sense.”

Even while speaking openly about his issues and then taking a sabbatical, Maxwell had to ensure a level playing field that would not put him down further. He had to speak to people close to him and most of them were his Victorian teammates, some of who were Aaron Finch, Peter Handscomb, and Marcus Stoinis. 

"Inside my mind, I was in a self-destruction mode. When I put my hand up and said everything was imploding in my mind, they were so good to allow me that time away from the game. Aaron Finch, Peter Handscomb, Marcus Stoinis - I am close to these guys and we speak about this. You have to have a friendship and people who you can trust where you know they are going to have your best interest in their heart all the time,” the Melbourne Stars skipper added.