Virat Kohli announces retirement from T20s

Virat Kohli announces retirement from T20s

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Virat Kohli has always been one for rude surprises on the cricketing field, and thankfully it has been opposing teams that have borne the brunt of them so far. In a shocking turn of events after the semi-final loss to West Indies, Virat Kohli today announced that he will be retiring from T20 cricket with immediate effect.

As a shocked press room fell to silence, one reporter managed to squeak out the question - “But why?”. Kohli, known for speaking his mind, said, “Despite my achievements, I see that I am holding the entire team back. In the first match, I am padded up and sitting in the pavilion. I see this cute girl in the stands and I wave hi, and before I can turn back to see the match, Shikhar and Rohit have come back and are sitting to my left and right and are already initiating eye contact with the cute girl's friends. So lucky to have such wingmen!

“Next match, I ask for water from the dressing room, and Suresh (Raina) gets out the next ball, and comes back hurrying with the water bottle. I still think he got out so early so that I don't go thirsty.

“All these people, they just love me so much that they are sacrificing themselves to make me look better.

“Why else will a world-class spinner like Ashwin play on an Indian pitch and give so many runs? Because I will have more runs to chase. That's why.

“Why else will Dhoni take Pandya into the team? The fellow bowls 90.90% of his balls as short balls - so that I have more runs to chase.

“And when I am tired after chasing those 160 runs, Dhoni bhai comes and saves me from that severe effort of making those last 6 runs.

“I have no way to repay their love other than this retirement,” said Kohli.

A bunch of reporters, meanwhile, managed to break away and corner Dhoni, who was walking in the corridor. After hearing the news of Kohli's retirement, a surprised Dhoni regrouped his academic self. “Life is a game of plus or minus three years. In the end, he will be happy. See, it's always about the maths. The first 20 years, you work hard to set up a platform. The next 7 years, you chase it and reach the top. Then for the next 3 years, you relax and just hang on. Before 30, you will know when you should retire. I hope you are confused enough to not ask me any more,” said Dhoni, before walking away into the sunset….. Err we mean into the hotel lobby.

* Have a happy April Fool's day

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