Jawaharlal Nehru on Rio Olympics: As the world awakes, India will sleep to normal life

Amlan Majumdar
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Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Normal Life, although you might also know me by the name of Whatever. You might often hear people use my name as an answer to questions they are not comfortable answering.

The past two weeks have been very difficult for me. My distant cousin, named Utopia, gave me a visit, like he does once in every four years, and although I am ashamed of accepting this, I do not enjoy his company. Every time he arrives in this nation from some godforsaken land, he destabilizes everything with his sense of optimism, and his desire to raise unpopular questions. The worse part is, I am the one left to clean up the mess once he leaves. We all have a cousin like that, don't we?

However, I must add that I do receive a lot of help from the co-operative people in this nation while cleaning up the mess. Personally, I hate change, but small things like watching an auto-driver charging double the amount of fare, or people urinating by the roadside never fails to cheer me up. It is these insignificant things that keep me going during such dark times and gives me hope for this nation's future.

It gives me hope that in few days, cricket will return to Google trends. That the only gymnastics the Indian people will bother about are the ones they use while crossing potholes on roads or climbing aboard buses. In the coming days, engineering and medical colleges will once again breathe a sigh of relief, while kids will resume attending tuition classes and stop doing, whatever they do, on the playgrounds.

Utopia is an agent of chaos, and his followers are now all up in arms calling for better sports infrastructure and protesting against corrupt politicians ruining various sports' governing bodies. But this too will pass. As the euphoria dies down, people will return to me. This is my ship, and I will not permit any mutiny.

I fail to understand all the upheaval about women winning medals, especially ones from Haryana. But, thankfully for the next four years, people will not find a valid excuse to stop female foeticide. As I said, I hate change. I am willing to sacrifice few more of such two weeks if that is all that it takes to satiate people.

Salman Khan showed that once you strip off all the vanities, all that remains is a cheque of Rs. 1,01,000.

As they say, it is in the time of need that you find the true friends you have, and Salman Khan's support has been immense for me. He once again showed that once you strip off all the vanities, all that remains is a cheque of Rs. 1,01,000 — Douglas Adams got the number wrong. While people like Abhinav Bindra and Sachin Tendulkar were trying to disrupt my age-old, and trusted, system of “I don't give a damn, unless there is something in it for me”, Salman Khan remained faithful to my teachings and fought back against those aberrants. They should know better now.

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Sachin has made one last attempt by gifting a car to PV Sindhu, but knowing Salman's need to have the last word, he will most likely find her 'the' driver.

Another great ally in this war against Utopia were the ministers and the bureaucrats. You can always rely on them. Be it showing the “do you know who I am” attitude, not doing what actually needs to be done, and generally having a good time—they made sure that the athletes feel right at home. There is nothing wrong in that.

I never understood the outcry surrounding the news of Indian Olympic Association (IOA) vice-president Tarlochan Singh wanting his son, who is a radiologist, to become the Chief Medical Officer of the Indian contingent. He was just upholding our time-honored tradition of forcing our kids into a profession they are not meant for. No one complained when Amitabh Bachchan did the same.

What most people fail to realize is that the Olympics is much more than just winning medals. It is but a race to become the next biggest brand.

What most people fail to realize is that the Olympics is much more than just winning medals. It is but a race to become the next biggest brand. A brand which the ministers, corporates, and other big names can cling on to. PV Sindhu's success means she is now rich, having received 'gifts' and 'donations' from every nook and corner of the world. As she won the medal, boardroom meetings were held across the nation to decide her worth. Utopia thought he had won, but I and my dear friend Capitalism were just laughing in the shadows.

However, the biggest cog in this matrix of mine is the media. It might seem to you that they now care about some poverty-stricken rower from a drought-hit region of Maharashtra, but soon all they will care about are cows and Zakir Naiks. As the sun sets today, and the Olympic's closing ceremony begins, I will make my return. As Jawaharlal Nehru once said, “As the world awakes, India will sleep to normal life”.

Until 2020 then. Ciao.

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