Satire Saturday | Leaked Manjrekar email exchange reveals extent of BCCI’s censorship

As absurd as it sounds, the North Korean government and media outlets doing such a stunt cannot be ruled out -  such is the extent of dictatorship in that country which has now been force-feeding its citizens with false information for decades. All because the government of Kim Jong-un still has absolute authority over and control of the press and information. You are made to see and hear what the government “wants” you to see and hear. Oppose them and you won’t exist; such is the dictatorship and censorship in that country. 

While it will be extremely harsh to label BCCI as the “North Korea of broadcasting”, they are somewhere in that territory. Oh, how they love censorship. Commentators in the past - including Danny Morrison, HD Ackerman and the biggest name in the Indian cricket broadcast industry, Harsha Bhogle - have been unceremoniously booted out for having an opinion that doesn’t match theirs. Commentators have also been axed for saying something that shows BCCI in a bad light and as recently as March 2020, they got rid of one of their ex-puppets, Sanjay Manjrekar. The reason? No one knows. Heck, Manjrekar is still looking for answers, just like Bhogle was when he was sacked some four years ago.   

The conversation was initiated by Manjrekar, who admitted that it was he, as per the BCCI’s request, who leaked the first email to the press. 

“This mail is also to clarify the amount of leeway and freedom I, as a commentator, will have, if and when I return to the commentary box. On top of that, I also wanted to make a few confessions about my first stint.

“I also realized that it is vitally important to brush controversies under the carpet like they never happened - the commentators took a collective effort not to utter a word about the IPL fixing scandal and it was quite the achievement on our part. On top of that, now I also know that one wrong step can end a commentator’s career: I certainly was at fault for making crass remarks about Jadeja; my bad to assume that I had the right to criticize players and voice my opinion. These are life lessons that have been invaluable. 

The BCCI’s response, though, was straight to the point and scathing. Responding to Manjrekar’s request, the board, out of both sympathy and respect, laid out an offer on the table for the Mumbaikar but played their cards smartly - to the extent where they almost made the 55-year-old regret requesting the board for a job. 

1. Under no circumstance should this conversation be leaked. Leakage of this classified conversation will result in your instant termination and life-ban if you take the job, or just a life-ban if you don’t.
2. Upon being hired, passwords of your social media accounts will need to be surrendered to the BCCI, who will have full control over it. No Tweet must be posted without it being screened by a BCCI official; first breach of protocol will result in a one-match ban, second in a one-month ban and third in termination.
3. You must memorize the sponsor-provided vocabulary. A six, for instance, in the IPL, must be described as a VIVO maximum; failure to do so even once will result in a 100% match-fee deduction.
4. You must attend the two-hour Webinar hosted by L Sivaramakrishnan everyday. Here, Siva will help you curb your natural instincts and shape you into the perfect BCCI commentator.
5. Apart from not criticizing Virat Kohli, you should also, on top of that, glorify his wrong decisions and manipulate the viewer into thinking that the Indian skipper never erred in the first place; that everything that goes against India is a result of bad luck.
6. Off-field controversies, no matter how big they are, should never be talked about on air. If an Indian player ends up doing what Jofra Archer did, your job will be to pretend like it never happened. 
7. You must be willing to sacrifice your dignity, stoop-low and indulge in on-air fights with co-commentators. Of course, this is nothing new, you already did the same with Harsha a few months ago, but just to make it clear, it still exists. 
8. It will also be your duty to show the BCCI in good light, whenever and wherever possible. One point will be awarded for every compliment you make about Ganguly and the BCCI. This is applicable for all commentators and so the commentator with the most ‘’points’ at the end of the calendar year will be rewarded by the board.
9. You should also, separately in your phone, record every single ball you commentate and send the audio over to Mr Amitabh Bachchan. Should he find you guilty of not praising Indian players enough, or not talking about them enough, you will be suspended for a month with immediate effect. 
10. Lastly and most importantly, violation, breach or failure to comply with any of the aforementioned nine points will result in your instant termination. Prior to termination, you will, just as you did in March, have to sign an NDA that you will not, at any cost, reveal the reason for your dismissal,” read BCCI’s response, where they offered Manjrekar a ‘special’ deal.