Satire Saturday | BCCI set to host IPL after God cancels the year ‘2020’
In March, a pandemic turned the world - including the world of cricket - upside down, with everything scheduled either postponed or cancelled, IPL being no different. The mega-tournament was postponed from March 29 to April 15 and that was just the beginning of the entire-IPL-rescheduling saga.
There are three things that are constant in Indian summers - IPL, Mangoes and of course, the sun itself. So much so that some people have called the Indian summer, the cricketing festival. Well, I, for one, can’t deny that because it is indeed the cricketing festival in the country. People go mad, so much so that some even visualise the IPL happening when it is not and the others, well they just dream about the league every night.
And then I realised if we, the cricket-frenzy people, have lucid dreams about the IPL, what would the BCCI be going through? Oh, as usual, BCCI are just one phone call away, more like our 2-AM friend at SportsCafe. And, he too, just like all of us, is working from home, so he was ready to tell us everything. Well, not really! Before we even put ourselves into the investigative shoes, BCCI had already announced that IPL was postponed to April 15. Well, we were a bit late on that one. And of course, taken back too because BCCI had announced something before time as we hoped for an announcement in the last time.
But then, more reports started to circulate, making us more curious about when and where the tournament will be staged, if at all it goes ahead. That is where Ashish Nehra’s suggestion comes into play, with him suggesting that BCCI could look at the September-October window for hosting the tournament. We asked the BCCI guy on why they didn’t consider this, and he was just bullish about it!
He replied, saying “Oh, we did, it was just….” That led to me asking him “Wait, what?” And then he explained saying that “It is just that we did try to convince the rain gods to host the IPL in September. However, he didn’t look so convinced about it! He asked us to donate Rs 30 crore to host the tournament during that time.” Oh never mind. We grew curious and wanted to know what was the next step that they were taking.
Reports: BCCI set to host IPL during Asia Cup window
Well, India are defending champions - so the tournament, in short, must be easy for them. That is exactly why they went up to the ACC, that is the Asian Cricket Council, which takes care of cricket in the sub-continent. Straight up, BCCI officials connected with the officials on a Zoom call and popped the question - Will you postpone the tournament? And, by then, we already knew that PCB were not interested in postponing the Asia Cup for the IPL.
Oh, don’t we all know the reason why!! PCB, with their FOMO (Fear of Missing out), said no, followed by the other boards. So, BCCI had to just cancel the idea of hosting the tournament during the Asia Cup window, in the month of September. The call lasted approximately around 10 minutes before BCCI stormed out of the call, thanks to PCB once again. And then, they stepped up the peddle and went higher for a bigger bargain. Well, which series is next? Oh, right, England, the Three Lions.
Reports: BCCI set to host IPL during October
Oh, October was the pole-position to get BCCI’s nod for scheduling the IPL. And there was just one tour that prevented them from going ahead with the plan. That was England’s much-awaited tour to India, where they would play limited-overs before the Test series. For both of them, this series was crucial to the World T20 plans, with England having the opportunity to face the Indian team and India vice-versa.
But given that England had an average series against both South Africa and New Zealand, BCCI did not consider them as a mighty opponent. So, this is where they wanted to plug in the grand-tournament. For BCCI, it was a prime opportunity and for ECB, not so. A fair question would be - but why? Let us go back to the times when Andrew Strauss and Kevin Pietersen fought over IPL.
Now, remember? That is why given that they are egoistic, they said no sir, sorry! A KP treaty hindered their chances of once again hosting the IPL. Now, BCCI were frightened and highly annoyed with the fact that their friends backstabbed them. Guess BCCI officials have never played Ludo King, have they? Oh, and, KP won’t be part of the commentary team because of this.
Reports: BCCI set to host IPL if World T20 gets cancelled
Well, haven’t we heard of these reports, which looks possibly the best option for the BCCI? For once, it looks like everything is done and dusted. With so many countries around the world in lockdown, it surely gave the BCCI and the IPL fans a glimmer of hope. And, that is if the World T20 gets cancelled or postponed. Interestingly, in the meeting between all the countries, there were three countries who were readily waiting to say the word, ‘NO.’
By now, you know those countries that were ready for that. But BCCI were given an ultimatum that they needed to prove that it would help all the countries via a Powerpoint Presentation. Well, it doesn’t matter if you are the biggest cricketing board or the best student, you need to prove it on the PPT field. However, BCCI failed there as the intern presented the slide that they showed in the ACC meeting.
ICC members were highly insulted by that as they stormed out of the meeting. So there went BCCI’s chance of hosting the IPL in the WT20 window. Well, we are Indians, we never give up, do we? One of those who stormed out was Australia, who had earlier put their hands up to host the IPL.
Reports: IPL to be hosted in Australia in December
BCCI’s last resort was hosting the IPL in Australia in the month of December. Why, you may ask? Because it is, indeed, the last resort for the cash-rich board and come on, man they did try really hard to convince many boards. But their last meeting is very crucial to their chances of convincing Cricket Australia (CA). They had two choices - either postponing the Border-Gavaskar Trophy or conceding the series, allowing Australia to get their hands on the trophy. Well, Australia surely did not accept the first one because the last time the two of them met, it did not go down well.
And, talking about the second choice, well BCCI being BCCI will never accept a defeat even before the series starts. So, they were straight off the bat, saying ‘No, sorry.’ The meeting ended then and there. Well, BCCI called CSA but by then, it was too late. They had exhausted all their possible options for hosting the IPL. Down on their knees with no light at the end of the tunnel, they went to God, just like any other man.
BCCI representatives: God, please help us to host the IPL!!!
God: Oh, well that is not going to be easy but let me see what I can do?
BCCI bribes God with Rs 20 lakhs
Offended God: How dare you insult me with Rs 20 lakhs, don’t you dare do that!
BCCI: Sorry God, let me know what I should do?
God: There is one thing that you can do, which is donating a sum of Rs 51 crore to PM CARES fund.
BCCI: But, 51 crores? Where will we go for that amount of money?
God: That is your headache guys, sort it out!
And, then BCCI asks all its representatives/officials to take a pay cut. That is how they paid Rs 51 crores and the rest, you know what exactly happened!! BCCI paid 51 crores and the happy news for the fans is that IPL will happen. So the new reports, thanks to our close-contact in the BCCI, is that BCCI is set to host IPL after God cancels the year 2020.
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