Satire | The 'real' reason behind AB de Villiers' international retirement
While AB de Villiersâ decision to retire abruptly, just after IPL, was shocking, the reason leading to it was definitely not. Hereâs how de Villiers spent the rest of his lonely evening picking calls, after he brought himself to bring an end to a glorious international career.
"I have no plans to play overseas, in fact, I hope I can continue to be available for the Titans in domestic cricket. I will continue to be the biggest supporter of Faf du Plessis and the Proteas." De Villiers went back to his room after the video message and sat on the bed for a while, his legs hanging, when his phone beeped. One click and he could hear Yuzvendra Chahalâs voice, âBro, you mentioned Titans, not RCB? I just wanted a confirmation of sorts⌠you know next year is oursâŚ
He could suddenly feel every ounce of pain in his body, the harmless pain that was there most of his career but he always ignored to give in that extra effort, which most of his teammates in South Africa or Royal Challengers Bangalore never gave. De Villiers always knew what he would do after hanging up his boots on a glorious career, but it had all changed after spending one season with Brendon McCullum.
He went to the balcony and gave his mate a call. âWhat was the beer you had said?âÂ
âInvercargill Brewery,â a vague voice came from the other side. âA bit high-end mate, but now that youâre gonna earn like me in T20 leagues, only the best things await you. Life really begins at 40, eh?â a laughing B Mac ended the call abruptly. De Villiers kept watching the floor for some time with his phone in hand and then texted back, âHow do we spell it? How to order it online? Will they deliver in SA?â
AB always thought what a bash his farewell party would be at CSA. He knew Faf would be furious at the timing of the announcement, but he just didnât care anymore. It was after months that Faf was basking in glory following his heroics in CSKâs qualifier win and this had surely stolen all his thunder. But AB, given the sincere teammate that he had always been, thanked Faf in his announcement at the end - so that people have a slight reminder of how big a failure he had been whenever AB was absent from the side.
A Skype call came and AB knew he couldnât avoid it at any cost. âWhat the f**k?! Why would you not inform us before announcing it to the world? This ruins all our preparations for World cup,â said a furious Chris Nenzani.
Hoping for a sweet farewell, AB was stunned by the stern voice of the CSA president. He knew he wasnât accountable for any of his actions now. âWhy were we preparing for a World Cup?â
âTo win of course!â Nenzani screamed from the other side before realizing the irony in his tone and started looking here and there before ending the call with a âttylâ.
AB was alone at his house, leaving his wife and kids in the city. A strong soul, the player didnât want them to come and comfort him after hearing the news. It wasnât surprising she hadnât called yet. For all AB knew, she was busy trying the clothes he had brought from India. But, he felt way lonelier than what he had expected and called his only true friend he had made in Bangalore.
âDude, I thought you would call me after getting the news,â a dejected AB blurted out.Â
âWhy? What happened? You know I donât have a smartphone. I only get PJs here bro,â a surprised Ashish Nehra answered.
âMy bad⌠I forgot. I am ending it all. The game, my passion, a half of my life,â AB said.Â
Nehra, who was attending the fastest bottle opening competition with teeth back in Chandigarh sponsored by Colgate, didnât get why he was so sad.
âAfter spending so many years in IPL, I donât understand why you guys donât learn how to take credit. Watch Parthiv Patel, Yuvraj Singh, Gautam Gambhir⌠They are all waiting for a pitch-perfect farewell like me. What do you think? They will leave the game for petty reasons like theyâre tired or cannot play anymore??? Duh,â said Nehra.
âListen⌠write it off as a joke in another video. But, give CSA a deadline as to when they could get you a proper sendoff. Dude, Viru
AB hung up the phone at his side and gave it a deep thought. Nehra was right after all. Ten years down the line, people wonât just suddenly remember all his crafty innings. He would need to sponsor a fan page now, where he has to keep posting on the âOn this dayâ section for the rest of his life. Phew! Retirement isnât easy at all.
His video had gone viral by now and calls and congratulatory messages had started flooding in. His childhood friend Steve came knocking on the door. A journalist in a big Australian media, Steve wanted to be the first one to take his first interview.
âWhat caused you to take such a sudden decision?â was his first question as he entered through the door. âYouâd told me you were seeing yourself in the Test Championship after the good Australia series,"
AB sat on the couch took a deep breath.
âAfter we got the trio banned, I felt like Thanos,â he said looking at one his framed picture on the wall. âI had arrived in India brimming with hope. My positivity was so infectious that even Quinton (de Kock) played well in the initial few games. But...,â he stopped.
âBut what?â, Steve was quick to ask. He has his recorder outstretched at ABâs face.
âVirat had compared Sarfaraz to a young Don Bradman during the series in February. But, that bloke⌠he held a bat like a room cleaner dude. The whole team was a f*****g scam!â a calm and serious de Villiers said.
âSouth Africa had been perennially disappointing. I had no hope from my teammates whatsoever. But, the mega auctions really gave me hope! Finally, we had bowlers and proper proven middle order. I could finally see myself lifting at least one trophy. But it was all a hoax!
âThose idiots⌠Manan Vohra and Mandeep Singh⌠They only asked me about good pubs and fashion brands in South Africa. They would also keep similar facial hairstyle like Virat to impress the cheerleaders. I mean, this was the only season I could have pulled it off. That catch? I donât think I can pull it off again. We went so close and lost out. And the management doesnât care a fig!
âVirat was busy making his second honeymoon plans in Surrey even before the last league match ended. I gave my 100% for nothing. I donât have any hope from cricket anymore⌠Maybe Baz and Nehraji are right. Life is all about working your ass off till 40 and then spend a lifelong retirement,â de Villiers broke down.
âVirat Kohli and co. forces AB to retirement before World Cup,â Steve swiftly texted the headline to his copy editor for the exclusive piece.
Tomorrow would be a tough day, one where AB would need to give answers. Press conferences, radio shows, testimonials. AB went to bed thinking all that and where his life was heading towards. He was going to put his phone on Airplane mode when a message squeezed in at the last moment.
âAll my commentary career depended on making words out of your name. What would happen to me now?,â texted Sunil Gavaskar with a sad emoticon.
AB didn't really understand it as he turned off the lamp and went to sleep.
Cricket FootBall Kabaddi
Basketball Hockey
SportsCafe