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Satire Saturday | Underrated Rohit Sharma deserves Indian Test captaincy after spending 14-day quarantine alone

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Rohit deserves the Test captaincy, just for spending 14-days in quarantine.


Satire Saturday | Underrated Rohit Sharma deserves Indian Test captaincy after spending 14-day quarantine alone

'It’s incredible how the Indian fans have the perception that Rishabh Pant can’t keep and Wriddhiman Saha can’t bat,' tweeted Aakash Chopra after day two’s play. But what remains the ultimate truth is Rohit Sharma’s leadership allowed India to make a comeback into the game.

When Australia set foot into the Melbourne Cricket Ground (MCG), their fear was not how they would perform at the venue but how they would tackle the incoming Rohit Sharma, who was on the verge of making a comeback into the Test XI after his injury. Now you could quite sense it in their approach because they just wanted to give away the Test to the visitors so that Rohit Sharma could emerge as a hero in Sydney. 

For all the uninitiated, on the first two days of the Sydney Test, Rohit consistently was at the helm of things - be it setting the field or calling a shot or even celebrating with the bowlers, Rohit was everywhere. Now you may wonder why the BCCI suddenly became active on Twitter when the right-hander walked in, that’s because he was once again at the helm of things - controlling BCCI’s Twitter account. So why should he be the leader?

Now for all those people asking that question, your Twitter profile would be personally checked and banned indefinitely not just because you asked a sane question but because you had the guts to question ROHIT SHARMA. I mean how on earth can you even question him? Despite sustaining a hamstring injury, he played the IPL final not for Mumbai to win but for him to regain form before his Test return. 

That’s exactly where you idiots really need to up your cricketing IQ, for a captain who won his fifth IPL, do you think IPL is really a challenge? It was to instil fears in the Australian dressing room, making them give up on the game even before they stepped on the field. Despite not playing, Rohit was successful in that, that’s how genius he is, the cricketing IQ is unparalleled. Now you wouldn’t believe it because you are a hater but it was Rohit’s arrival that made Smith perform terribly, initially. 

Five IPL titles, 9115 ODI runs and despite being a better white-ball batsman and skipper than Ajinkya Rahane, Rohit has been demoted to just being the vice-captain of this Indian team. That’s such a farce and a shame, which is why Rohit deserves to lift the Border-Gavaskar Trophy even if Australia win the title, for he’s the second-biggest name across the two teams after Virat Kohli. Wait, did you think it was Steve Smith? Such poor taste!

Rahane might have led the team to a win at MCG (on paper) but it was really Rohit who prepared the duo of Ravindra Jadeja and Ravichandran Ashwin for the Smith attack. Remember how he stepped out and hit Ashwin in the IPL final, well that was the last bit of preparation before the off-spinner took on Smith. And all those people who doubt his place in the Indian team? Now ideally there should be no question over his reign; for he is the king and the only one in the Indian team and Kohli, who came after him, is still the prince. 

Even statistically, Rohit is feet, miles and even galaxies above Rahane -  an average of 46.10 in compared to the latter's 43.45. Don’t even question his dominance at home, Rahane even after being the vice-captain of the Indian team couldn’t achieve that feat. Forget just his overall average, look at how Rahane has performed at home and in New Zealand, which all just goes on to prove the point. And if you still don’t believe that, fight a Rohit fan on Twitter. Forget that, Rahane was part of the team’s shambolic performance in Adelaide and people still claim him to be a beast. Remember the MCG Test win? Why did India win? Not because of Rahane but because Rohit had arrived right on time to instil fear. I mean if you are a believer of God and not Rohit, then you surely need a life. 

Not just that, Sunil Gavaskar, who is a firm critic of the Indian team, can’t even criticise the right-hander because of the spell that he has cast on him. Now if you are indeed wondering where else you have witnessed this spell, then a lot of talk shows would interest you and turn your blind eye. When was the last time you heard the word ‘3-D’ player used? The World Cup, right? But if you really think of it, Rohit is a three-dimensional player - he has picked up hat tricks in the IPL, can captain, can bat and doesn’t need any introduction. That’s a mic-drop moment right there. 

Forget the Indian team dropping a meagre Mayank Agarwal for the right-hander, they should have rightfully dropped the entire team and just played three guys - Ashwin, Jadeja and Rohit. They would have still won, remember Adelaide in the 2018-19 series? If Rohit’s impact was that powerful in the middle-order, just imagine how much he would be at the top of the order. In fact, his innings was mightier than Rahane’s innings at the MCG. In between all of this, Rohit was also involved in a massive team-bonding exercise ahead of the Sydney Test. Arrive the controversy that you all hopped on, wanting a ban for all the players. 

The Australian media might be mighty, just as claimed by several but Rohit is the ultimate legend. Not only did his arrival motivate the team but his team bonding exercise involving the new players in Melbourne is one of the reasons for India’s promising performance in the Sydney Test. Now if you think just people in India worship him, well there is no temple or anything in Australia or England to suggest that he’s a god but it is to signify that he’s beyond those stones. He’s a rock-solid figure in himself and that’s one of the reasons for him not having an insanely fit body, as he wants to be the representative of the common public and boost them with confidence.

In usual circumstances, Gabba would have been the venue for the fourth Test but the fact that the controversy happened alongside the COVID-19 cases means that it might be shifted to Sydney. Now you really know who is behind it, game set and match! Forget Virat Kohli and Ajinkya Rahane, it was Rohit Sharma who has been the mastermind behind India’s series thus far.

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