Given the fact that you fans are busy with the debate of ‘Mankading’, does your team even play cricket? because the rest of your time is spent on changing jerseys and names only. Delhi capitals are like the 2014 dominating attack of the Germany football team, just without domination or any threat.
Delhi Capitals are a team that redefined the fashion industry with their apparel and merchandise, justifying that your city has ‘Sarojini Market’ and also because you hardly get any revenue from your ticket sales. I think it suits you best to devote none of your time on cricket, that way, at least you will be able to afford massive paychecks of young flat-track bullies in your team.
Your team: Delhi ‘fashionista’ Capitals
Your 2019 record: Finishing third last season must have been satisfying for you as you have completed your quota of being in the top 4 for the next seven years. It was not as if you had a dominating run last season crushing all the teams on your way, you just managed to be marginally better than other teams on the matchday, evident from the fact that you were not able to outdo the ‘oldies’ of CSK in three tries. If this embarrassment was not enough, you lost to ‘nobody of IPL’ KXIP, giving full commitment to sabotaging your season yourselves, but somehow you lucked out to be in the knockouts. Who said luck only favours the brave? You have shown us that a ‘sorry excuse for a team’ can also be favoured by luck.
Losing three matches and winning one in the super-over, how on earth can a team have such a pathetic run at home? The matches you won had KXIP, RR, and MI against you. While it does look impressive that you defeated MI in the opening match, we need to take into consideration the fact that Mumbai have never been a great starter, defeating you convincingly in Kotla in the reverse fixture later in the tournament. And let’s not even talk about your wins over KXIP and RR and give it any more credibility. I guess you yourselves didn’t wanna play at your home ground, given that there is hardly any support you receive.
Your highest run-scorer was India-reject Shikhar Dhawan, who has made a tendency to score runs when he is about to be thrown out of the team. More power to DC for depending upon him for another season, only you have the guts to depend upon the 34-year old (almost 35) to rescue you from your behaviour of sabotaging yourselves. Not to forget the ‘I will score runs when I have the mood for it’ batsmen Rishabh Pant and Prithvi Shaw. While it is a good thing you are banking on your youngsters, but don’t we all know that these ‘hit or miss’ players have more misses than hits. Fortunately, DC’s stars were aligned in a few matches as these two woke up to score some runs. But another season? God has to be too generous for that. Then there is the new addition of Ajinkya Rahane, which might have been good if it was a Test game.
Coming to the bowlers, which includes Test veteran Ishant Sharma. I mean, there’s no need to take any shots at him respecting his seniority but even he should realize that T20 cricket is not meant for age-old bowling outside the off-stump bowling. He could have saved himself from the embarrassment of getting thrashed by batsmen for straight 14 matches, but he seems determined to end his career on a low. The new addition Ravichandran Ashwin is also there, who in the recent past has concentrated less on his off-spinners and more on trickery with the ball. Given this, he can’t really blame anyone else for his ouster from the Indian team. Funnily enough, he has joined Delhi to make a claim for the Indian team. Seriously?
Your MVP:- Rishabh Pant
I checked it multiple times, it is Rishabh Pant only. Geez, is it even worth ranting about a team that has Pant as their MVP? I mean, the bar doesn’t get any lower than that. He must be a fan of adventure sports as every innings of his is an adventure on its own, with every ball looking like his last ball. He was the second-highest run-scorer last year, making me question the standard of bowling in IPL. Not denying the fact that he can be dangerous once he gets going, but who knows when that will be. On second thought, it perfectly matches the personality of his team.
Can he single-handedly win DC games? Yes, why not. We have seen such knocks from him after all, he is considered a replacement of MS Dhoni, has to be good. But I’m sure that the criteria for considering anyone as the replacement must have been a player who can stand behind the stumps and hold the bat, pretty much describes Pant aptly. The strategy of Pant is quite brilliant. It consists of him winning DC a match here and there and then, failing in most of his innings. Later, he plays one aggressive knock against one of the weakest teams, in one of the most inconsequential situations, igniting the conversation of him being another ‘Dhoni’, cementing his place in the squad with PR and Marketing.
What’s new that sucks:
For starters, DC must be commended for believing in Marcus Stoinis, making him one of the mainstays of the team, which he has not been able to do with his national team. ‘Not bits and pieces cricketer’ (as that is not allowed) has his muscles to show for his performance over the years. How can anyone trust a player who has played for KXIP? Also, not to forget the gritty duo of Ashwin and Rahane, who will definitely win a session or two for DC. Oh, wait! Sorry, wrong format. Did you forget that you are not building a team for the Test matches?
With the speed that Ashwin is inventing new deliveries, it won’t be a surprise, if he registers himself as a leg-spinner this year because he seems to be bored with bowling off-spinners. He might not get much time to practice as he has become a big YouTuber now, which will definitely suck for DC. Also, he was the captain of KXIP, nothing to add here. Rest, as usual, you sincerely follow the line ‘whatever can go right, we will make it go wrong’.
What has always sucked:
Wait! is it about Delhi Daredevils or Delhi Capitals? Come to think of it, there’s not much difference in both of them. You have consistently been the team that has surprised everyone with your performances. Last season, when you didn’t have big names in your squad and relied on Indian youngsters, no one thought you would do that good, but you did. And the rest of the years, when everyone expected you to do well as you had Glenn Maxwell, AB de Villiers, Tillakaratne Dilshan, and what not’s of the world, you surprised everyone again by occupying the last place. You do seem to enjoy little trickery just like your current captain Shreyas Iyer, who has been learning magic as he knows it is magic only that can save DC’s season.
What might not suck:
There can not be much that might not suck when you have reached knockouts just once in seven years. However, I would like to nominate Shreyas Iyer’s MAGIC! I’m not talking about magic with the bat or with his captaincy, just magic. That will be the only thing that won’t suck in a team that desperately needs to start having praying sessions as without luck you won’t be able to win anything. Another thing that might not suck would be your fore into the fashion industry with a bunch of Instagram influencers in your team. If not in cricket, you would at least be successful in something. But if anyone is expecting anything good in terms of cricket, you will be better off earning some money by betting against the franchise.