It’s not just another day at the Bangladesh dressing room, it’s warm and emotional but minus the drama. Needless to say, I, being a very curious Indian from West Bengal, am very much interested in the day-to-day drama that goes on in the dressing room of the Bangladesh cricket team. I used some of my contacts to get into their crazy world and what I found was insane and so very exciting on many many levels. I mean, the crazy things you can do when you know how to speak Bangla, right? Well, I’m giving away some unique ideas right now, but you read my story before you steal my lifestyle away, cool?

I replied: “What are you even talking about?”

“I’m all ears but what could be so important about a dead rubber against Zimbabwe? Both Tamim and Liton have been doing great anyway. [Short Pause] Oh wait, is it because of Mortaza hanging his boots as captain?,” I questioned.

“Haha! Well, there you go. You’re making more sense now. For a moment I thought you don’t believe me. So, McKenzie Sir has always bonded well with the players and even understands a little bit of bangla now. Also, do you know he’s as intense as our players here?,” he added.

“Well, there you go madam. It’s always fun talking to you and hence I thought this is something you SHOULD know! So, do you remember how McKenzie didn’t travel to Pakistan for the first leg of the tour? Well, he had given some suggestions to the team and I was with them in Pakistan, none of them followed the batting coach’s advice. In fact, when they told me, we all laughed at it together. But, now, the coach is persistent. It’s Mortaza’s last day he says, it has to be done. [Long Pause] [Murmurs from the background].”

“Umm, what’s wrong?”

I then switch on the TV to follow the game and try to understand what’s going on. The two batsmen, the perfect right-left combination, have come out to bat. Carl Mumba starts with the new ball.

[Bad Religion by Motorhead starts playing on the background].

“Hey, everything alright? Tell me what’s going on,” I inquired.

“Yes, I’ve finally come to a secluded place. I have 5 minutes exact, so let me tell you everything at one go.”

“So, McKenzie Sir had seated the players in a weird arrangement,  seated separately on the basis of odd and even number of their batting order. There’s a reason behind it though. So, I’m guessing you remember the 415-run partnership between Sir and Graeme Smith? McKenzie Sir had done similar things before that innings. And he is doing it now. Now, Riyad bhai , all geared up, was not comfortable with the seating in there. So there was a little bit of chaos and I had to disconnect the call with you. Meanwhile, I also had to go run and get them tape. Anyway, they are now seated inside while McKenzie sir and Mortaza bhai are sitting outside.”

I: “Sorry to interrupt, but tape, why?”

Paranoid Android: “Haha, ma’am! This is what is the weirdest part. McKenzie Sir has his bat from the 2008 series. Ironically, the game was against Bangladesh then. So he has made the players sit in reverse and taped the bat upside down on the ceiling!”

I: “WHAT?! I’d read that about him but I had no idea he did these things were actually done before his 226!” 

I tuned into the game and watched it with full attention. The two openers looked as comfortable as they could be on the field. I mean, the dominance is undeniable, but it seemed like THEIR day. Like the pair could literally stroll on a busy highway and not get hit. And now the conversation had totally gotten into my head, every time the pair hit a boundary or a maximum, I’d imagine the positioning the players, the bat and the toilet seat. 

Eventually, Liton scored 176 off 143 balls, the highest-ever individual ODI score for Bangladesh, before Mumba finally got him play a lazy shot. I wonder what was going on in the dressing room then? What part of the arrangement was disturbed for Liton’s dismissal to have taken place?And, yeah, as Mr. Paranoid Android told me, it was indeed the right-hander who got dismissed first.

“Hello. Why’d you call me from a different number the last time?”

Paranoid Android:”Well, ma’am. They asked us to keep all phones switched off. Apparently, even that disturbance wasn’t allowed. They had seen me with the phone and just gave it back to me now.”

“Haha! Well, McKenzie Sir himself went inside as Riyad bhai kept on complaining about having to sit so long with his gear on. He then climbed up on a chair and unstrapped the bat only partially during the start of the 41st over. The bat fell, 'BAM!', before the penultimate ball of that over and Liton gifted his wicket into the hands of Raza.”

“That actually happened?,” I asked.

“So you didn’t exaggerate even a bit?”

“No, ma’am. Except for the part when I told you he understands a bit of Bangla.”