As football fans sat through a tedious two-week international interregnum, they pined for some real league drama. None of this sterile world cup qualification rigmarole, they wanted the blood-and-thunder of mistimed tackles, last minute goals, feverish crowds, and spittle-laced tribalism. And the seven Premier League matches on Saturday certainly did not disappoint. 

The Gunners’ encounter against bogey team Swansea followed the trajectory of tinsel town’s finest. Theo Walcott, that hero who does a few good arthouse films before burning the public’s nasal hair with his stink for the next two years, wooed the metaphorical damsel by coming up with two fox-in-the-box goals. Granit Xhaka, the hero’s treacherous best friend with lecherous thoughts, set his machinations in motion by giving the ball away and allowing Swansea back into the game. 

Mesut Ozil, in an SRK-like cameo appearance, set the hero on the right path with an item-number of a left foot volley. Nacho Monreal, the mustached side-villain with face warts, spiked someone’s drink to malevolent background music by letting the Barrow-Borja combo score and reduce the deficit again. Xhaka conducted a back-stabbing magnum opus before getting sent to jail, erm, an early shower. And although the world was saved as the final whistle blew, Theo was not allowed to consummate his budding relationship with a match ball, instead being friend-zoned at the final furlong as he hit bar and post. 

Arsene Wenger will hope the next game against Middlesbrough has a much more vanilla love story vibe. 

Ronald Koeman and Pep Guardiola are no strangers to each other, both featuring heavily in the Barcelona side that ran through opponents like a juggernaut in the 90s. This meeting was more adversarial than amicable, however, the two men occupying opposing dugouts as high-flying Everton met higher-flying Man City. 

It was very much a case of Man City attack versus Everton defense. The home side dominated possession, shot count, and corner count, but both Everton and the score-line refused to budge. The Everton performance was made even more impressive by the fact that Jagielka had a very poor game. First he tripped Silva in the box and conceded a penalty, only for Stekelenburg to save smartly from De Bruyne. Then, when Man City were chasing the game in the second half, Jagielka was at it again, this time bringing down Aguero in the box. The Argentine’s penalty was well struck but the Everton keeper was equal to the task yet again, stretching wonderfully to deny an equalizer. 

Leicester fairytale takes grim turn as Chelsea run riot 

To be fair, no one would have expected Leicester to repeat last season’s heroic showings with similar drive and aplomb. But after keeping most of their star players together and purchasing a bevy of attacking reinforcements, the Foxes’ current lower-table travails are also unexpected. Ranieri’s men suffered their fourth straight away defeat in the league at Stamford Bridge, the hunger and desire of last season markedly absent in their marking from set pieces and tracking of runners. They were regularly harried out of possession by diligent wing-play from Alonso and Moses. 

Leicester were limited to potshots from distance before beautiful interplay between Moses and Chalobah laid it on a plate for the former to score. Barring the usual suspects, Moses has been a quiet revelation at Chelsea this season, working hard in a new position that he is quickly making his own. 

Bournemouth’s vitality too much for Hull 

It was coming. Bournemouth have had a great mismatch between the number of chances created and goals scored so far this season. They have hit the woodwork more than any other side and dropped important points despite having enough opportunities to put the ball in the net. Against Hull, Eddie Howe’s ideal Bournemouth blueprint saw the light of day. 

From that point on, it was all Bournemouth. First Stanislas fired home a penalty before half time and then banged in a second from the edge of the box. Star striker Callum Wilson scored Bournemouth’s fifth with a strong header, and substitute Dan Gosling curled in the sixth to complete the rout. After a shaky start, Bournemouth now have three home league wins on the spin and sit pretty in ninth place. 

As for Hull, Mike Phelan was officially confirmed as manager this week, and he has his work cut out. His team has conceded 17 goals in its last four league games; points total notwithstanding, that is the defensive record of relegation candidates. 

Tottenham spent most of last season solidly swimming under the radar before bursting to life in spring and having their balloon burst in May. They’ve started in similar fashion this season. Five wins and three draws is an impressive if unspectacular return that sees them continue as the only team unbeaten in the league so far. 

The finish with the outside of his boot, if Alli meant it, demonstrated a calmness and confidence that belies his tender years. If last year’s failed title tilt has hardened Tottenham’s youngsters, they might not fade away so easily this time.