Parody | Virat Kohli tries his absolute best to keep Ravi Shastri as coach

Despite having the numbers to back his claim for a second tenure, a sense of fear had crept inside Shastri’s head and it was seeping further down through his throat into his heart as the selection day arrived. 

Meanwhile, the cricketing fraternity was abuzz with the possibilities of Shastri not being re-hired. India were, after all, brilliant throughout most his tenure and with the BCCI still contemplating other candidates had raised many eyebrows. 

After his role as a negotiator to solve differences between Vinod Rai and Amitabh Choudhary, BCCI had asked him to work his charm once again on Kohli and Rohit Sharma, and this was a level up. He took out his tab, which had the two confidential files of Rohit and Kohli confessing to BCCI what exactly had been the problem. 

Dubey had managed to get the duo in one room, but he needed to find the core of it. He clicks on the first one with the thumbnail of Kohli scratching his head as the animated skipper was seen explaining the issue with hand gestures. 

“I want to reveal this today. We all wanted Rishabh Pant to play, even the selectors. But, Ritika had developed a different feeling towards the youngster there. I had even heard her, during an RCB vs MI match, excitingly telling Rohit that their search for the perfect baby-sitter was finally over! We knew Rishabh won’t be able to focus on his game had we brought him to England. 

“So, it was a collective decision that Pant would play in 2023 when Rohit’s kid would grow up a bit. And it seemed the most intelligent decision that we had taken for the World Cup this year, until Vijay Shankar got injured. And as Pant came in, Ritika moved into the player’s hotel.”

“Tell me one thing. How did the press know everything?” asked Kohli in an authoritative tone.

Sharma, keeping his head down, said, “It’s her”.

Rohit Sharma, hiding a drop of tear from the corner of his eye, said in a broken voice, “Then why didn’t you officially allow Ritika to stay with me? She‘s my lucky charm! Everything was going just right!”

“So what did you expect?” retaliated Kohli. “If I had allowed you, Hardik would have brought a flock of Britishers …” Kohli stopped in his tracks. “Look, let’s leave this behind us. I am, in fact, very happy that you haven’t brought your wife and children here, for once. That’s a sign of maturity.”

However, while Dubey’s job was done, Kohli and Rohit had a huge task ahead, to ensure Shastri gave the interview in his right mind. They visited Shastri next day aiming to prepare him for the meeting in the evening. CAC wanted to have a pre-meeting with the former coach to have few things clarified. 

The coach was nowhere to be found and neither was his mobile phone reachable. Kohli and Rohit searched the entire apartment before rushing to the security to inform. Shastri was found sleeping on the gateman’s bed and wasn’t waking up anytime soon, it seemed.  But, that wasn’t an option for Kohli, who knew that any breach of protocol on Shastri’s part could see him lose his job, and that would be disastrous for him.

Five hours gone and Kohli and Shastri are now sitting outside CAC committee’s office. The new committee member had their separate reservations for Shastri as well, with Kapil Dev neutral in the selection, Anshuman Gaekwad, a die-hard Shastri fan, and Shantha Rangaswamy, who hated Shastri’s guts.

However, with Rangaswamy absent at the moment, Kapil and Anshuman had decided to take the interview themselves. Kohli kept straightening  Shastri’s tie and waiting impatiently for the call. Shastri was lost in his thoughts and had he not practiced sleeping with his eyes open in school, he would have fluffed this interview.

Kapil turned towards the figure who was supposed to ooze wisdom in the room and he was silently sitting, staring at the paperweight. Fearing the worst, Kapil quickly picked the weight and put it in the drawer.

“So, Mr. Shastri… You have been associated with the Indian team in various disciplines for long now. Tell me, what’s your dream? Where do you want to take them in future?” asked Anshuman, knowing fully well that Shastri had prepared a speech by heart for the question.

Kohli couldn’t understand how much of that could Shastri hear and in a desperate attempt to save what looked like a failed plan, he kicked Shastri under the table. The coach shook his head to come out of the trance and blurted out, “See, for a very long time, my dream has been to catch a Pikachu and make it fight against Blastoise in the Orange League final and win.”

Before Kapil could gulp in what he just heard, Kohli jumped to Shastri’s defence. “I should have said before. Today wasn’t the right day for the interview but Ravi bhai came only upon your insistence Sir. He lost his pet cat, Pikachu, yesterday and he has been behaving awkwardly since then.”

Shastri struggled to find words and consequently, took out a box from his pocket. “Take this Virat! I know now how much you love me. I, hereby, give you my “top fan” badge. I made it last week only, this is limited edition!”

An infuriated Kohli stormed out of the office throwing it away as he had to travel Windies next. Shastri couldn’t make out what just happened but he could totally find the gleam of happiness in Anshuman’s eyes who had just picked the badge from the floor.