A Tale of Two Boards

Bikram took down the big bad boy in the league and things were never the same again. Rich uncles in the neighborhood were soon lining up to fund his exploits. He soon became the alpha dog in the city and started dictating things.

Not to be left behind by his rich neighbor, Wasim won the league in 1992. But, he had his own problems. He was mercurial and while there was no doubt about his talent, he always seemed to get into trouble. He was suspected to throw away matches for petty change. Further, his neighborhood saw frequent fights- if not on the pitch, everywhere else. And, to add to it, both neighborhoods had big fights regularly between each other.

So, it was that both took different paths. While Bikram had his share of controversies, he managed to become richer and stronger. Wasim, meanwhile, was slipping up a bit.

But the entire city came to a standstill every time they faced off. They played at home, away and on the outskirts of the city. But, the crowd could never have enough of it. They wanted more.

Things, however, turned ugly in 2009 when Sanga, a kid from another neighborhood, got beaten up while on the way to play a match with Wasim. All the other kids now refused to play with him. He went from door to door but he was turned down everywhere. What hurt him most was that Bikram also refused to play ball. After much persistence, he got himself invited to play with Bikram in 2012. And, that was the last time they played.

In 2013, Wasim's crazy friends went really rogue and did unspeakable stuff with some of Bikram's friends. Like any good friend, Bikram refused to have anything more to do with him anymore.

But, Wasim had by now slipped into absolute poverty. And, no one wanted to watch him play anyone else. All they wanted was to see him play with Bikram.

So, in 2014, he got Bikram to sign a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) to play six bilateral series between 2015 and 2023, four of which he will host.

“India has officially turned the MOUs signed earlier this year with regard to six rubbers between the two nations into binding agreements straightaway”, “Four of these will be hosted by the PCB in the UAE or Pakistan with mutual consent,” read the PCB statement.

And, that's how the big Indo-Pak War of words started in 2015, starring

Bikram's Blasters- Shashank Manohar (President of BCCI), Anurag Thakur (Secretary- BCCI), Rajiv Shukla (IPL Chairman)

Wasim's Warriors- Shahryar Khan (President- PCB), Misbah-Ul-Haq, Shahid Afridi

Uninvited actors- Shiv Sena, Indian and Pakistani media to whom “unnamed officials” always “allegedly told” everything.

But, then Bikram dithered on confirming the series for a long time as he was caught up in match-fixing issues involving his pet project, one Indian Premier League that had made him inconceivably rich.

Wasim had not yet lost all hope of making some money on his own. Not just losing hope, Wasim was beyond desperate that he started booking tables for a non-existent candle-light date.

October 14-"The PCB has also made tentative bookings and some other arrangements for the series in the UAE"- unnamed PCB source.

And, then Bikram invited him home.

October 15-"Since he was not at the ICC meeting I phoned him and he invited me to tour India after a Working Committee meeting of the BCCI and I hope to get a final answer in eight to 10 days"- Khan

So, it was that he traveled to Bikram's neighborhood to talk him into playing on October 19 of 2015. Things were going reasonably well- until Bikram's noisy cousins decided to pay a visit. Rushing into the house, they heckled Wasim so badly that he had run back home under cover of darkness. Bikram was unfazed, however, and said he was old enough to decide things on his own.

October 19- “BCCI is a responsible body and will not do anything against national interest. Cricketing decisions should be left to BCCI”-Rajiv Shukla.

But, Bikram soon started having second doubts about making his own decisions. Now, he back-tracked saying only his mommy could decide whether he could go out to play or not.

October 20- “Let talks at some level commence between the two countries. Then only the two boards can talk (about resuming cricketing ties), but not before addressing the pending matters. The final call is with the Union government"- Anurag Thakur.

Wasim was suddenly growing all impatient and wanted an answer so that he could move on in life.

October 21- “There is continuing delay we'll have to assume that it is 'no', so chances of series taking place have been reduced significantly. We don't have much time left, so Yes or No reply is absolutely necessary” - Shaharyar Khan.

Bikram apologized for the bad behavior of his cousins, but still insisted that mommy needed to decide if he can go play with the kids.

October 29- “Under pressure from extremist elements, BCCI cancelled its meeting with PCB officials which was scheduled to take place in Mumbai”

 “They are sorry for what happened in Mumbai”

“It has also been conveyed that the BCCI has officially approached the Indian government to obtain definitive guidance on the Pakistan-India series”- PCB.

Meanwhile, Wasim was getting severe stick back home for staying back late.

November 3- “Before such high level negotiations, the PCB leadership should have taken into account the hostile Indian environment and possible security threats.”- unnamed PCB source quoting Pakistan Govt.

And then, the event started getting a little less serious when Lala said he will play only if he got a pinky swear.

November 11- "We can go and play in India but I back the stance of the PCB chairman Shaharyar Khan that we first need written guarantees from the Indian board about everything”- Shahid Afridi.

 Even the opposite side started wishing for an answer when the really really nice man, who gifted them a T20 World Cup in 2007, also asked for it as his retirement gift.

November 14-"It is my desire to play a series against India before I retire and as far as retirement is concerned I have taken no decision on it. When I do I will inform the Cricket Board (PCB) about it"- Misbah-ul-Haq.

And the Gods relented, albeit, with a catch.

November 14- "Shashank Manohar called me up on Friday evening and told me they have got clearance from their government to play against us. But he said they wanted to play the series in India and not in the UAE"-Shaharyar Khan. 

Now, Wasim was infuriated. He started out trying to do something nice and was getting punched from all corners.

November 16- "I personally oppose it. The prime minister will take the final decision"

"I consider any visit by Pakistani team to India as an insult," - Pak Interior Minister Nizar Ali Khan.

Between the two hours that this article took to be written, Wasim categorically refused the offer and has gone one-up as well by hinting to boycott the T20 World Cup 2016.

November 17- “We can survive without them. We won’t get the bonus but we will be fine”.

"(It is) premature to say anything about going to India for the World T20. We will decide about it after consulting the government"- Shaharyar Khan.

The impasse looks to have no immediate resolution and it seems the Boards are locked in a drama that serves no real purpose- other than to provide a few gags, muted and muffled within the walls of both the Boards and unconstrained on the outside.